Destiny Breaker 1: The Beginning of the End

[Wassahman]

The story begins, at the foot of my bed
Last night’s events still in my head
With a sword at my side, and blood on my shirt
Afraid of attacking monsters, my senses alert
I stand with my blade, thinking of danger
Then a figure comes forth, a dark looking stranger
I drew my sword and prepared to attack
Then it turned me around and hit my back
I woke up, minutes later, and I was in shock,
That tall dark stranger was a woman, in black
“A woman!” I said, as she stood above me
Laughed she did, “I am known as Suri”
“Suri eh? You’re quite a fighter.”
“No I’m not, you tripped on that lighter
While falling down this lamp hit your back
Then you hit your head on this movie rack”
I looked around, and saw that she was right
I guess that we didn’t even fight
“So, your not the fighter that I thought you were.” I said
Then she pulled out a gun and hit me with it on the head
“What the hell was that for?” I asked in anger
I grabbed for my sword, but got a coat hanger
“Who are you?” I threatened with my clothing tool
She said, “I’m not your enemy, you crazy fool.”
“Then why are you here, in the room of my bed,”
I said, “why did you hit me on the head!
Where did you come from? Why are you here?
Are you really my ally, or my enemy premiere?
How did you get here? Do you know of my quest?
Or are you the first on my list of tests?
Tell me now! Tell me the truth!
Or shall I just kill you with the littlest of ruth?”
“Calm down,” she said, “I am your friend
I’m your first ally and will be there till the end,
I will watch your back, and you’ll watch mine,
From this day forward, our paths entwine”
I thought and thought about this ordeal
Then I saw on her arm, a similar seal
Like the seal on my arm, her fate was sealed
And together the ending of this story will be healed
And so we set off, out my house
My only companion, a tiny mouse
Now I have a friend, not a foe
My life seems to have little woe
I’m not alone, after all
Someone to help me, when I fall

Yay... part two already...

[kurosaki]

lol few errors: "I drew my sword and prepared to attack"... drew and prepared should not be past tense... bcz "I stand with my blade, thinking of danger
Then a figure comes forth, a dark looking stranger" are not past tense... u are changing ur tenses -- be careful... aside from that u are trying too hard to rhyme... "fighter/lighter"... get a better word for lighter... then i dont know why you compared suri to a mouse when you had described her as a gun slinging woman... so you have to watch for the little mistakes... otherwise congrats part 2.

[CountAlucard]

I'd have to agree on you trying to hard to come with ryhmes like Kurosaki points out. It's an interesting story just don't worry so much about ryhming, let the right words come.

[Slider]

I say that was rather funny!