*sigh*...this will change my life.
From my blog:
I've decided; I've chosen. I am dropping my theatre major. I am not switching it to a minor, either. I'm dropping it entirely and picking up a Creative Writing minor. It's not that I don't love theatre, because I do. I love it more than I can express. But...I know I don't have what it takes to make a career out of it. I may be a good actor, but I know that for as long as my teeth are bad and I don't look just right, I'll never get very far. I also don't have the thick skin needed for the audition process. Even when I do play a part, there's always psychological problems. I tend to get lost in the character and for weeks or months afterwards will have difficulty finding myself again.
I don't need a degree in theatre to enjoy it and participate in it. I was being over-enthusiastic when I thought I could make a living doing something that, in the end, hurts me more than I help it. I have seen so few plays and musicals; I cannot deny I am theatrically ignorant. Oh, I know how to build sets and etc., but I don't want to build stuff, I want to act and direct. But, when people bring up plays and I've never even heard of them, it just reminds me of how lost I am and how little I know.
Instead, I'm going to focus on the one talent I have which will not fail me. I'm sticking to Illustration and I'm going to put my all into being the best artist I can. I kept denying my talents when Beth or my father or John praised me because I didn't like the pressure that praise brings with it. But I am only a mediocre actor and writer, but I know for a fact I am a talented artist. I need to stick to what I can do and do well. The other things in my life need only love, not training. I need to worry now about my future, about what kind of life I am going to be able to provide for my family when I have one.
People tell me I'm a good artist. They also tell me I'm a good writer. So, I'm following up on those two things. I will, from now on I can't promise, be an Illustration major and a Creative Writing minor. I have a lot to catch up on, too. I won't say I wasted my first year, since I made a lot of friends (and ruined some of my best friendships) and learned just what college is all about. But This year I can't slack off. I have to apply myself to the breaking point and then some. I want to make my father proud of me again. I'm tired of disappointing him. But it's not only that: I have something to prove.
I have to prove I can be a man.
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~*MediWar Staff*~
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