Instructions on how to clean your toilet

[kitykat]

1. Put both lids up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth move, put the cat into the toilet and close both lids. You may need to sit on the lid. (Don't worry the cat can breathe just fine.)

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noise that comes from the toilet, the cat is really enjoying this.

5.Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power-wash and rinse."

6. Have some one open the door of your home. Be sure that no people are between the bathroom, and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet bowl, and the cat will be sparkaling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog

[kitykat]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
~kitykat~

[kitykat]

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish ... please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!" That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet. "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive..."

[kitykat]

Late one night a burglar waited for the couple to pull out of their driveway an leave. He tiptoed through the living room, but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you", came the voice again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a birdcage, and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name little fella?" "Clarence", said the bird. "That's a weird name for a parrot", sneered the burgler. "What person would name their parrot Clarence?" The parrot replied, "The same person that named the rottweiler Jesus."

[Xzaf]

Wow. I think this is the first time I've seen a quadruple post that wasn't anything but spamming. I tip my hat to you.

[weirdkitten]

lol, i like those, lol i've heard the cat in toilet one before but i'm not sure that i've heard the others before, lol

Meow

[tarimindello]

I like the teacher going to heel bit and I like the parrot named Clancy, The cat one is just cruel (it's still funny though) and I've heard several variations of the bear hunt one. But, I still like them .

[clk89]

I've pretty much have heard about all of those but still they make me laugh

[ThreeOfNine]

nice

[Bam]

i like the parrot one, the parrot named clarence