Some jokes (warning: kinda dirty)

[asdffdsa]

got any more?

[secret292]

lol funny denist appointment too lol

[kekimi]

There`s another oneit`s a bit long)

A German, an American and a French guy are stranded on an island...
They go into the woods and meet a couple of natives...
they get carried to their voodo-master and he tells them:
"O.K. guys. Do as I say and I will give you a boat and you can return to where ever you came from!"
"What shall we do then?", asks the American.
"Go pick some fruit in the jungle...it must be at least two friuts!"

The three of them start searching for fruit in the jungle.
After a while the American returns with a grape and a strawberry.
The voodo-master tells him: "Put them up your ass and if you don`t start laughing we will let you go. Otherwise you will be killed."
The American does as said, but when he tries the strawberry he starts giggeling and gets killed.
A while later the German appears with an apple and a pear.
He has to do the same, but when he puts in the apple he starts laughing and is killed too.

Soon after the American and the German meet in heaven.
"How was it going?" asks the German.
"Oh, it was quite O.K. until I tried to sqeeze in the strawberry...it felt so sqishy I had to laugh. And how about you?"

The German answers: "Oh, the pear wasn`t the problem but when I put in the apple I couldn`t help laughing."
"Why?"
"I saw the French guy coming back with a pineapple and a watermelon!"

[dannyb543]

Originally Posted by kekimi

There`s another oneit`s a bit long)

A German, an American and a French guy are stranded on an island...
They go into the woods and meet a couple of natives...
they get carried to their voodo-master and he tells them:
"O.K. guys. Do as I say and I will give you a boat and you can return to where ever you came from!"
"What shall we do then?", asks the American.
"Go pick some fruit in the jungle...it must be at least two friuts!"

The three of them start searching for fruit in the jungle.
After a while the American returns with a grape and a strawberry.
The voodo-master tells him: "Put them up your ass and if you don`t start laughing we will let you go. Otherwise you will be killed."
The American does as said, but when he tries the strawberry he starts giggeling and gets killed.
A while later the German appears with an apple and a pear.
He has to do the same, but when he puts in the apple he starts laughing and is killed too.

Soon after the American and the German meet in heaven.
"How was it going?" asks the German.
"Oh, it was quite O.K. until I tried to sqeeze in the strawberry...it felt so sqishy I had to laugh. And how about you?"

The German answers: "Oh, the pear wasn`t the problem but when I put in the apple I couldn`t help laughing."
"Why?"
"I saw the French guy coming back with a pineapple and a watermelon!"

LMFAO!! hahahahahahahahahahahahaha that is HILIRIOUS!! comedy at its best my friend! Amazing

[corvina]

O.K. Try this one:

A giant and a dwarf are sitting at a bar, drinking beer.
The dwarf spits into the giant`s beer. Pffht!
The giant get`s pissed and says:
"If you do that again I will rip of your arm!"
"Doesn`t matter to me! Dwarfen arms regrow very quickly!"

After a while the dwarf spits into the giant`s beer again. Pffht!

"If you do that again I will rip of your head!"
"Doesn`t matter to me! Dwarfen heads regrow very quickly!"

Pffht!
The third time, the giant isn`t what you call tame anymore:
"If you do that again I will rip of your *****!"
The dwarf sniggles: "Doesn`t matter to me, we dwarfs have no *****!"

"Then what do you do when you need a piss?" asks the giant.

Pffht!

[BlackRose3367]

lol thats gross yet funny, 2nd is best while i dun get #1 O_o

[dannyb543]

Originally Posted by corvina

O.K. Try this one:

A giant and a dwarf are sitting at a bar, drinking beer.
The dwarf spits into the giant`s beer. Pffht!
The giant get`s pissed and says:
"If you do that again I will rip of your arm!"
"Doesn`t matter to me! Dwarfen arms regrow very quickly!"

After a while the dwarf spits into the giant`s beer again. Pffht!

"If you do that again I will rip of your head!"
"Doesn`t matter to me! Dwarfen heads regrow very quickly!"

Pffht!
The third time, the giant isn`t what you call tame anymore:
"If you do that again I will rip of your *****!"
The dwarf sniggles: "Doesn`t matter to me, we dwarfs have no *****!"

"Then what do you do when you need a piss?" asks the giant.

Pffht!

Hahaha likin it. Shouldn't of ***'d it tho, quite confusing lol

[mefaiy]

That`s the regular **** problem with those words ^^
The dwarfs are cool!

[mauler22]

lol... the second one...

[kekimi]

Here`s an old one:
A bear and a hare meet up with a fairy:
"You grand you three wishes each!" says the fairy.

the bear starts: "I wish for all bears in this wood to become female!"
"granted!"
then comes the hare: "I want to have a motorbike."
"granted!"says the fairy smiling.

second wish for the bear: "Only this wood is not enough!
I want all bears in the whole country to become female!"
"granted!"
"And I want to have a helmet, please." says the hare.

"Now this is your last wish, so choose carefully!" the fairy reminds them.

"Is that so? Then I wish for all bears in the whole world to become female!
That should give me enough opportunities for my whole life!" says the bear grinning.
The hare puts on his helmet,
sits down on the motorbike,
starts it and calls out: "I wish the bear was gay!"