Advice and stuff much appreciated...

[StrawberrySama]

hmmm... yes, I need help. This is like, majorly not cool. Okay, it's about a guy (because, simply put, I don't swing that way). Yes, I am a girl.
Anyway, I started a new school at the age of eleven, as is the norm here. I am still in that school, and now I am almost sixteen. Since my first year there I have liked a guy, who is in my registry class.I never got to talk to him much, and at the end of my first year, I was told to back off by friend A, who is no longer my friend... ayway, she told me to back off. Being the shy little thing I was (and still am to an extent) I did, and tried to forget. Then, in my third year, at the end, I had a crush on his friend, and asked him out. He already had a girlfriend, but for some reason, I was quite glad. Then, this year, he has started talking to me more. For the past few weeks now, he has been talking to me every day. We mostly talk about anime, Kingdom Hearts 2 (we both ought the game at the same time) and stuff. I am really happy about it But, it made me realise how deeply I care about him.
I would ask him out... I would... except...
In June, 2006, he asked my friend B out. She agreed. They were an item for a few weeks, but she dumped him for being too 'scary'. Now, I'm really scared... you see, friend B, despite her wierd personality etc. is quite pretty, and I just don't compare. Don't say anything about it, because it's true. I'm not as good as her. I used to be quite overweight, but went on a strict diet in the summer. I'm still not quite right, but I look good enough. Just a bit average...
I have this thing about rejection (family issues gave me depression a few years ago...) but I don't think he'll ask me out. Ever. Unless he is told I like him, and likes me a lot. You see, I know him quite well... he is very in-secure about himself too, and his break-up with friend B tore him apart. He's over it now, but it took a while.
Also, since he was a child, he has known friends C and D. Very well. They live down his street. I can't figure out if he likes one of them or not (I don't think so but I'm not certain)
I'm so confused, that I don't know what to do. My friends (B to G) don't have a clue about it (or at least, I don't think they do...)
I don't think he has a clue either, apart from when we were talking about KH2 outside one of my classrooms (he was walking in the same direction, is all) and friend E walked past and said 'you two look very ahem...' and I went bright red and strated stuttering stuff... heh. Smooth.
Anyway, I don't know what to do. I should tell my friends, as they're all friends with him. They can support me through it. But I think it is love. Everything I do has a reason revolving around him. I haven't stopped liking him for our and a bit years now. We share interests...
Anyway, I'm gonna invite him to an anime convention next summer (he loves cosplay, but in Ireland, there are never any cinventions to cosplay at nearby!) So I'll try to cosplay with him ^-^
PLEASE help me, if you haven't been bored to death with the long rant. It's very complicated, ne?
I don't want to screw it up with him, is all. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, even. I don't care if he told my friend B he wants a massive family of ten children! Rawr! I'm a lunatic!
Please help!
Much appreciated.
I feel like crying...

SEE FURTHER DOWN - I HAVE MORE POSTS LATER!

[skulldra]

Right first thing i say is im quite bad with relationships but usual the advice i give to people is accurate.
right you need too be more confident with yourself. Tell him. If you dont you will be kicking yourself later on in life.
If he doesnt like you in that way then hes missing out on something amazing and you no that it wasnt meant to be.
I can tell that you are a wonderfull indervidual by what iv read.
this is my own opinion you dont need to act on it if you dont feel its right.

[darech76]

I'm not a love doctor, but I don't advocate being straightforward in your particular case. Why? Because like you said of yourself, you have self-esteem issues. If you went the up-front route, the rejection would tear you apart if you feel that much for the guy.

However, I do admit that honesty is the best policy. Being upfront with your feelings requires a level of confidence I do not think you have yet. What you require isn't affirmation for a direct course of action to take; what you need to do is bide your time and take more careful analysis of the situation.

Sharing interests is a good start; however, at that age, guys who talk to girls freely without bias are technically clueless as to what the girl is feeling for him. Moreover, the only thing he is thinking off isn't getting between your legs... it's about swapping 'army-stories' of the game! (That's not a bad thing, by the way...)

Ignore friends C and D for now, but pay attention to his movements around other girls. Be aware that at his age, considering hormones, he may be more attracted to girls with more 'obvious' attributes...

Now here's the interesting bit. Cosplay is an excellent gauge to measure what he might see in you (if he agrees to it). Decide on a character, but pay attention to his likes, then try to dress up accordingly. The point being, if you can garner a slack-jawed expression from him the instant he sees you in the costume, you've earned good points towards getting his heart. But you're not there yet!!! Expect lots more talking time, and build it up from there. Only once has your 'relationship' gotten better do you attempt the 'confess your feelings' approach. Unless of course, he's fallen for you by then... (I wouldn't expect him to, unless he's still got a little 'shallowness').

And a touch of reality; as you are already well aware personally, self-image is a killer. Keep to a regime of diet and exercise (just don't overdo it, please), but bear in mind that the point of it is not to get his lust; what you need to do is (a) build up your own 'public image' self-confidence, and (b) GET YOU THE BROWNIE POINTS FOR HIM TO CONSIDER YOU A PRIME CANDIDATE!!! Why? 'Cos by the time you tell him you'd like him as a boyfriend, he'd have to consider THREE good points about you: looks, interests and feelings!!!

In the meantime, try to be conscious of potential rivals as well... at any rate, what did B mean when she said 'scary'?

[StrawberrySama]

Ah! Thank you for the wonderful advice! darech86, your advice is pretty much what I figured out myself. I need to go slow. I did a lot of thinking (so did my friends...) Oh yeah, by the way, friend C was shocked with the news, but not jealous. Friend D doesn't know.
Last night, at a slumber party (we call it sleepover here...) I was talking to my friend, the excellent judge of character. She was helpful too (to see my own personality)
I have come to a sort-of -conclusion. Baby steps. One step at a time, keeping him comfortable. He fears rejection, and does not want to take risks, so I will gradually do this. I am in no rush at all.

Another thing I have realised, is how deeply I care about him. I don't get jealouswhen other friends phone him - he needs friends, I shouldn't stop him. I miss him terribly, from not seeing him. Especially weekends. Plus, to think of him being at all sad totally sgreds me up. conclusion: nearer to love?
I will work hard at my regime. I got a new haircut at the weekend, and it is very nice (methinks.... and my friends.) Oh, and I found out he's getting a side-fringe too. We are now 'emo-buddies' as my friend C kindly put it.
I was told to make a huge fuss and say how wonderful it is. Like I need to be told!

Tnak you both for excellent advice. I have taken it on board. but... as a totally clueless person... how do I notice reactions from him? If I smile across the room, what should he do?
Wah! Confusion (again!)
Please help, someone (again!)

[lordaethis]

Skulldras advice is good its along the same lines as wat id put cept id say to take it slo at first.

[skulldra]

so my advice wasnt taken ohwell

[StrawberrySama]

nope, I took it in a mix. I want to go slow, but I'm gonna tell him eventually. And if he doesn't like me... meh, we can still be somewhat awkward friends. I guess I wish I could hurry, but I know I can't.
I'll definately think optimistic, skulldra, like you said! That is something to work on!
Thank you again I figured a lot out!

[darech76]

Glad to help.

But the intensity of your emotions coupled with what you can face does show some development on your part. Yes, you could say that your feelings aren't stuck at 'infatuation'. But to call it 'love', well, that's something you need to feel yourself... or unless a friend can observe you in the flesh to say so (being online is limited to words, you see... not a very good way to judge).

Originally Posted by StrawberrySama

how do I notice reactions from him? If I smile across the room, what should he do?
Wah! Confusion (again!)
Please help, someone (again!)

Firstly, are you sure you want to that? Coming from a girl, that's akin to saying: "I like you." HOWEVER, depending on the situation and how you smile, you attach innuendoes that change the gravity of 'like'.

For example:
A coy smile coupled with a shy turn away action = "I'm very interested in you." (If the guy is confident enough, he'll walk up to introduce himself or basically talk to you.)

A broad smile and a slight wave of the hand = "Hi there." (Most common 'friends'-type of greeting.)

A smile and a dreamy stare = The most ambiguous one... totally depends on the guy's thinking.

In most cases, eye contact is also important. In courtship rituals, this is one of the most taken for granted bits of body language (mainly because it's easy to miss it).

Point of my two-cents: you should be more concerned with your actions, StrawberrySama. You can never predict a guy's reaction with 100% certainty, so learn to read his reactions to your action...

Exempli gratia:
You put your hand into his as you walk along anywhere... If he jerks away, he COULD have been taken unawares (flustered, embarrassed reaction); but if he grimaces, bad sign. But if he holds your hand and smiles at you, that's real positive; you're home free. (Try this only when things are still early in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, though, for best results.)

[StrawberrySama]

FIRST: Thank you very much for the wonderful advice!! I HAD decided what to do, but immediately after, some complications came up!

The first problem is that the guy is incredibly close to one of my friends, and over the last few weeks they have grown even closer. When we were out in the cold one night, he would hug her a lot. They act like they're going out, apart from the fact that my friend says that she would never go out with him. But, I don't believe her... anyway... yes, no matter how well he and I get along, my friend is ten thousand times closer to him, and I do not want to end it (he looks so happy!)
Another thing was that another of my friends told me she likes him. She knows about me and him now (she guessed, and my face gave it away) but she still says she likes him. This is like a soap opera... anyway, I honestly can't see that friend and him going out. Ever. She shows her love for people through agression, by poking, punching and kicking. Also, I hate to say it, but she is overweight. Well, as the daughter of a nurse, who knows a fair bit, she would be officially classified obese. She is noisy, rude, and does not seem to care about the feelings of others much (it's how she is...). She seems suddenly to like him... Still, I would never want to hurt anybody.
I'm afraid now that, if I ever asked him out, my friendships may be strained or be broken. I never have wanted to hurt my friends! But, at the same time, the only guy I have ever loved (I am sure now, that it is love) is something I do not want to easily give up on. I don't know his feelings. He has none for me, I reckon. We can be friendly because we have many shared interests, and I'm the only one that appreciates these, but my friend who is uber close to him spends half of her waking time with him.
This year, my exams, starting after Easter, decide if I can do two more years in my school. There may be a possibility that I will not see the guy again, and be able to chat the same as we do now, after Easter. That is like my final deadline.
I think that I could not live with myself if I didn't say anything, and let the cahnce go by. I would always thing maybe... because I am like that. So I reckon that I will ask him out. First I want to figure my situation out, so that I can maintain my friendships.
I reckon it was inevitable, that if we invited a guy into our small circle of friends, people would fall for him. He is like, the perfect guy, apart from the fact he has many issues, never aired by him, but me and uber close friend know of them (she knows better than I - he tells her EVERYTHING) Unfortuately, I had already over four years ago. To think he would never even know (if only to boost his self-confidence) tears me up...
Okay, I know this topic is probably already dead and gone, but seriously, I am going to have to do something. When asked, I came across this revelation. He may never love me. Ever. I would be able to accept it, as long as he knew that I love him, and always wish for his happiness. I want to keep him smiling as long as I can, and laughing... he always laughs at me, as he thinks I'm stupid (he makes fun of me!). I would give up anything for him. Anything, to keep him smiling. I hate his face when he looks troubled, and I wish I could do something about it. His looks have never been in m mind, but if I think about it, I'll be biased. My friend says he's 'average'. Heh... well, that's what SHE thinks anyway...
anyway, help much appreciated! Everyone who posts is a truly kind person, I am eternally grateful, you know... I could never discuss anything like this with parents/ family. They want me to concentrate on studys, then I can get into a top university in England.
Yes, thank you for the time you have wasted reading this.

[AFMotoX311]

Well, darech has done an extremely good job thus far with his advice. Hes right on. Hopefully I can add to it for you. (I'll probably end up giving you general info though)

I don't know his feelings. He has none for me, I reckon.

Not a good thing to be thinking. Be confident about everything, if he is telling you some of his deepest secrets he obviously has SOME sort of feelings for you. You just havent deteremined what they are yet. Thats very tough to have a friend in the situation your friend is in.

Dont make the mistake of missing the chance and then regretting it for a lifetime though. Regret is by far the worst feeling I have ever felt. I screwed up a relationship big time, twice, with the same girl and I havent been close to the same since. That was the only girl ive told that I loved her.

If the situation dies down with your friend and him being very close, you might be able to use some very very subtle hints with him to gauge a reaction. Obviously putting your hand into his is pretty strong, but even things such as the facial expressions darech mentioned would start. He sounds like a smart guy, so I am sure he'll pick up on them.

Well, I know I probably didnt do you too much help but, I wish you the best of luck with this. Keep us updated, ill check back as often as possible.