Ask Kate

[Yuuji]

Originally Posted by katelynisspecial

The 'her' referred to my friend Frances, or Kitty. I went to her house in Virginia Beach to stay, and then she came back here to visit for a week as well =)

Ahhh.
I thought it was a family gathering you went to.

Haha, there are tons of Spongebob things at King's Island, but I love him =P

I have yet to see a single episode...I cannot tell if its something of quality...or just the next evolution of Beavis and Butthead.

My feet are doing pretty well =D
I get tired, but not really pained.

Cool.
To your health!

Also, I have my license now as of June 24th. So I drive myself to work sometimes, but sometimes my mom takes me also, because then I won't have to use and then pay for the gas xD

Hey, congratulations!
How did your test go?
I still remember mine, and how it was all pins and needles, and the feeling of disbelief when I earned my license.

Sure enough the next day was one of the worst-case-scenarios I ever had while driving. Things happened to me that day that have yet to repeat in over 20 years of driving. Blah.
What bad luck.

And now that you have your own car...how does it feel?

I loooove books. I always have, haha.

Cool.
Which reminds me...that Vampire universe you love, is there a film coming out about it?

And I could've won that contest! I love Avatar, and I never get sick on it. We had someone ride our ride for like 7 straight hours before, it was crazy because two times is enough to make me queasy!

Wait...
*thinks*
Ahhhhhh!!
You only get queasy on the ride that YOU operate...
Not the Avatar ride.

When I read the passage, there was no correction to the antecedent, so I thought you meant the Avatar ride for both 'never get sick on it' and 'two times is enough to make me queasy'.

But in this case, the possessive pronoun 'our' is referring to a completely different ride!

==================
For myself, the summer is almost over.
Although I am still working through an internship, and also pick up some night hours (so 2 days a week, I leave home and do not get back for 14 hours)

My father is doing better.
But it still means that during the one week break between semesters, I'll be making a trip back to New York to see him.

Let alone, there was a flood in the house I grew up with.
(broken pipe)
And some things were destroyed.
My brother (who has now made: Major - it's shocking) is coming back from his fifth tour in the middle east.
He is debating whether to restart his life in the U.S., or just go for a sixth tour.
But he'll also be back around the same time I'll be in Syracuse.
The whole family might be able to be together again, since 2.5 years ago.

But I have to admit, a good portion of the trip will be to record, sort, sell, donate, or trash many of things I grew up with.

Just imagine your room now, and everything you are collecting.
Now time-skip 20 years into the future.
Now figure out what you will actually keep. And you can only keep 10% of what you have now.

Yeah....it's tough....so many memories, but I do not have any room. And the house will be put for sale soon.

'Course the easier it gets to throw away the past, the easier it is to....well, be an Adult Schmuck, if you catch my drift. I'm still amazed at the older generations apathy on so many things.
On the other hand, I finally can understand the power it gives them.
But that's a bittersweet philosophical detail that I hope you don't have to face anytime soon.

[Rumrunnersrus]

Where is the q exchange???

[katelynisspecial]

Yuuji --

Haha, Spongebob is pretty childish, my brother adores it, but I still find it amusing when there's nothing on TV.

My driving test went fine, I bumped a cone on manueverability, but I didn't knock it over so it was only a few points off. The road part was ridiculously easy, I just had to drive through some back roads, no more than 25 mph, nothing more difficult than stop signs. It was only about 10 minutes long too. I was so happy and unbelieving when I passed, I was shaking, haha! I went out to lunch with my parents afterwards.

Yeah, the Twilight movie comes out on December 12th. The 4th book is coming out on the second, so I'm WAY excited about that!

I'm glad that your dad is doing better, and your family might be able to be together again! That will be good =)
I can't imagine going through /all/ of my stuff, that would be hard! I can't sympathize with the house as much, we moved so much I don't really have a childhood home that I've grown up in, but I'm sure it will be nostalgic to go back.

Well, so far I've got $1,400 in the bank, and because of my vacation, probably will hope to have about $2,000 by the end of August. The bad thing is, none of my friends who said they would try to save have lasted, so it looks like if I'm allowed to go, I'll be on my own... well not literally, but I won't have the comfort of familiar people. But I'm good at making friends, and everyone who goes will have similar interests, so I think I will be fine, it might even be good for me. But my parents are naturally more reluctant to let me go now. Oh well, I guess we'll talk about it when the time/money is closer.

The other bad thing, is that unless things change, two of my friends I was going to take the language class with haven't been able to submit things to the program in time, and might not be able to take the course. I really hope our counselors can sort it out, I really would not like to take a course with college students by myself, that would be intimidating. But I can't back out now, plus I really want to learn. I hope they can still get in...

Rum -- I have no idea..

[Yuuji]

Originally Posted by katelynisspecial

Yuuji --
Haha, Spongebob is pretty childish, my brother adores it, but I still find it amusing when there's nothing on TV.

I probably should just bite the bullet and at least watch it once.
It is almost an American icon by now.

My driving test went fine, I bumped a cone on manueverability, but I didn't knock it over so it was only a few points off. The road part was ridiculously easy, I just had to drive through some back roads, no more than 25 mph, nothing more difficult than stop signs. It was only about 10 minutes long too. I was so happy and unbelieving when I passed, I was shaking, haha! I went out to lunch with my parents afterwards.

*nods about the road part* Yeah, if your family allows you to practice, that part is easy.

!!!!!!
Almost shaking and feeling it's unbelievable??
Didn't I say I felt the same way when I passed mine? (It's probably in this thread somewhere). So I know exactly how you feel.
I remember the instructor saying I passed, then I kinda forgot the rest of her words. I had actually achieved it.

But I know exactly where you are coming from. So been there.
(and then 20 years from now, you can laugh as well as some other 16 year old tells you the same thing!)

Yeah, the Twilight movie comes out on December 12th. The 4th book is coming out on the second, so I'm WAY excited about that!

Make way!
Vampire fan comin' through!

I'm glad that your dad is doing better, and your family might be able to be together again! That will be good =)

48 hour ago, I thought the same thing.
But two days ago, my good friend Ron has told me he has terminal cancer. I know I'm dropping this nonchalantly, and it was something I had to get past. Ron doesn't want me to lose time over it.
So I took some deep breaths, and contacted my own friends and family about it (Ron is 61, a tenured Professor here at the University. We have known each other for over 8 years now, and he's been there fore more, when my family hasn't. Hell, we just saw Indiana Jones together just 10 days ago).

But my brother went off the deep end.
And he's actually used my friend against me in a lovely slander campaign by talking behind my back to my parents, and other family.

Why? Because my brother went through a nasty divorce because of his own, to put it nicely, ethical failings.
So he's using this to distract the family.

Just 4 days ago, my brother was lamenting to me about all of his failures and failings, and how he was going to seek professional help.
In what is called 'reciprocal self-disclosure' I admited a few things to him, which although not as disgusting as what he told me, do not show me in a good light.
Little did I know he's been forwarding what I say, cutting out what he says, and spinning it with my extended family.

It's despicable, it's evil, and I hope you never have to face such a thing.

When I finally learned about it, most of the damage is already done.
As Mark Twain once said:
"A lie can get halfway around the world before the truth can even get its boots on."

This time I decided to fight back (as you might remember me 2 years ago, I was much more passive), but most people - including my own father, were already parroting my brother's lies (that I had stopped going to work (no), that I canceled social activities (hardly), that I was falling apart (I took 1 hour for myself, and then went back to doing errands), and basically that my friend's cancer revolved around me! (bullshit) And I was having a massive 'pity-party' for myself (that's beneath contempt)).
That has been hell.

And all of this only around 4 days after my brother admits to me that he wants me to visit him on the 15th, because he wants to spend an entire week crying over his exwife, and getting so drunk so that whenever he thinks of her, he'll think of puking. (I can forward you the email if you wish)

And who here is truly the one looking for a 'pity-party'?

*shakes his head*
For better or for worse, 'adults' can act just as bad as any child.
Just usually you have your own house to hide in, with no nagging parent.

I only included this stuff, because of what you have said below. It's not a big help, but it might give you some ease.

I can't imagine going through /all/ of my stuff, that would be hard! I can't sympathize with the house as much, we moved so much I don't really have a childhood home that I've grown up in, but I'm sure it will be nostalgic to go back.

*nods*
Now it has this new overtone because of my baka-brother.
But it has to be done.
I'll be fine though.
Just will be work.

Well, so far I've got $1,400 in the bank, and because of my vacation, probably will hope to have about $2,000 by the end of August.

Once again, congratulations.
It is hard to do what you have done.
What you describe below supports that.
Though I realize that that 'success' here is bittersweet, because your friends have just as much value as your accomplishments.

The bad thing is, none of my friends who said they would try to save have lasted, so it looks like if I'm allowed to go, I'll be on my own... well not literally, but I won't have the comfort of familiar people.

*nods*

Kate, one of the reasons I have never minded talking to you for all of these years, is because of how you are insightful, hardworking, and caring.

And now you find yourself in one of the crux having those abilities creates. You have accomplished so much, but because of those you were depending on, there is a bit of ash-taste in your mouth.

You are not experiencing an exception, but a rule. You will keep running into situations like this in your future, time after time.
At the very least, you'll get used to the taste of the ash, and find something else to put your valuable energy on. At the worst, you'll become disenchanted, adding to the apathy you see in too many adults today.

You are probably handling this just fine. But I know it takes some of the joy away from what you were doing. And that, in itself, is not so fine.

I know I am not your family. And I know I'm not your direct friend. Heck, you haven't even met me in RL yet. But I _do_ acknowledge your accomplishment. I do recognize it.
It is impressive, and it is more then what I was able to do at your age.

And if you can just keep a true smile on your face, then you'll really have hit one out of the ballpark.

But I'm good at making friends, and everyone who goes will have similar interests, so I think I will be fine, it might even be good for me.

*nods*
And I think you are 100% right - on all counts.
But I also do understand the slight bit of bittersweet that will tinge the experience.
To which I say, as long as you use it carefully, a little bit of enlightened self-interest would be just fine: That, at times, it's alright to focus on just you:
You'll be in Japan.
You'll have done it by your own hard work and resolve.
And it's time to enjoy the heck out of it!

But my parents are naturally more reluctant to let me go now. Oh well, I guess we'll talk about it when the time/money is closer.

*grins and nods*
And I think your bank account with be a great support towards that.

The other bad thing, is that unless things change, two of my friends I was going to take the language class with haven't been able to submit things to the program in time,

*facepalms*
I wasn't perfect when I was young either....but still..., I'd like your friends to catch up with you, y'know?

and might not be able to take the course. I really hope our counselors can sort it out, I really would not like to take a course with college students by myself, that would be intimidating.

What's the difference between a High School Senior and a College Freshman?
......3 months.

3 lousy months, that's all the difference. But the social aspect is amazing, daunting even.
And I remember my first class, I felt that all 200 people were looking at me.
Wasn't true...but the social pressure...yeah, it sucks.

Now if 200 people are watching me teach, I hardly care.
Because I suddenly became strong?
Not really...it's because I know the material well enough, that I know I can teach it.
Now put me in front of 200 people, when I don't know what I'm talking about....er, that's different.

It is an experience thing.

First, you will have some insights into the language. That will help (unlike when I started taking Spainish, where I had nothing)

Second - understand that you'll be graded by the teacher, so the teacher trumps actual learning (just like High school). Learn your teacher, and you'll do better (Grade wise)
Of course, you (unlike others) actually want to LEARN something. So you are going to give it even more focus. But true learning is hard, and takes years to figure out how you learn best. So yeah...you'll be juggling a lot, as you will be starting to learn things about yourself that you'll be using for decades to come.

[Yuuji]

Sorry for the double post - but my original post was too long, here's the rest of it:

My quick advice:

• Keep enjoying anime/manga/Japanese. In which, you'll learn more about the language, and hopefully enjoyably.
• If you can find out the teacher, contact them. If the teacher hasn't been decided yet, contact the Chairperson.
• Ask them how you can prepare for the class.
• The best way is usually getting the textbook a head of time, and to start reading it (asking for the first chapters).

And then, use your other resources.
In this case, me:

• For anything strange you find in the syllabus, book, or the class, feel free to bounce it off of me. I believe I can give you a good translation of what the teacher/course is actually looking for (I do work in a University, and wish to become a Professor one day. So I have some insight)
• Furthermore...I know saying 'write the teacher' 'write the department chairperson' is really easy to do. But actually doing it! Hard as hell. Again, ask me- to which you'll tell me the University and contact information. I'll search the web for it, and find the people to talk to (if they keep it updated correctly). Then I can write some rough drafts for you to use, in order to make some introductory emails.

I don't mind doing that, because I had to do it myself. It was hard, and I didn't have many people to fall back upon (other then Ron). So if you get to learn these things 10+ years before I did, then even better.

But I can't back out now, plus I really want to learn. I hope they can still get in...

Exactly.
I hope they make it too.
But I hope their....delay...doesn't make you miss the 'train' as well.
I know it will be a great experience for you.
It is a catch-22 --- you really want to be successful, but there is so much to learn about yourself as an experience (win or lose), but right at this point of your life, 'losing' isn't an option. Stress goes through the roof.
This is why many older people never want to be young again...unless they get to keep what they know now. But to have to relive all the frustration? Um, no.
But in the end, -making it fun -- now _that's_ the ticket!

=====================

PS
I pretty much only use this site these days to talk to you.
Though your last posts have taken usually a week, before your respond.

Ergo, I assume you have a similar thread on your vampire site. Shall I just move to there?

[katelynisspecial]

I really hate it when adults act like children. It's kind of unsettling, because they're the ones that you're supposed to be able to rely on to not like that, and be the voice of reason in tough times. But I know that there are many adults in the world who aren't like that, and are petty and manipulative. Not that I'm saying that specifically about your brother, but you already said he was acting like a child, so I felt I could share that.

I will try and not dwell too much on your friend, since you both seem like you don't want to lose any time on it, but I will send good thoughts his way.

I hope your brother pulls himself together and realizes he's not the center of the universe, especially now.

Sorry if I'm toeing the "I can insult my own relatives, but you can't." rule, but reading that just really bothered me.

I really appreciate all your insight on my problems, and that you acknowledge my accomplishments, when it seems like no one else does. I love talking to you, and I really do consider you a friend, even if we haven't met. Maybe someday in the future.

I know there's really not much of a difference, but it just feels so huge! People in college have hit a few major life points that I won't for another two years, graduation, moving away from home (in most cases), and being adults. I really agree that my passion for the subject and prior knowledge will make all the difference. It's kind of intimidating though. Personally, I've always gotten along really well with parent-age adults, with younger people, and will people my own age. But there's just a small window of people that college students fit in that I'm kind of shy meeting.

Well, the good thing is, though the class doesn't start until the end of September, I have orientation on August 3rd, where I will hopefully get more information and possibly meet the teacher and get some materials. After that, I'll probably look more into things I can do towards it in the meantime, and you can bet I'll be asking you for help!

I pretty much am the same about the site, but I don't have anything like this over there, and honestly I'm only on there for administrative reasons most of the time, so I'd prefer to stick to here =)

But I'll try to be more timely!

[Yuuji]

Originally Posted by katelynisspecial

I really hate it when adults act like children. It's kind of unsettling, because they're the ones that you're supposed to be able to rely on to not like that, and be the voice of reason in tough times. But I know that there are many adults in the world who aren't like that, and are petty and manipulative.

*nods*
It's unfortunate.
Even worse, they go ahead and indirectly train the next generation into being just as apathetic and callous as themselves. Especially when the 'adult' is in a position of authority or power.

Not that I'm saying that specifically about your brother, but you already said he was acting like a child, so I felt I could share that.

Please go ahead.
Two years ago, I would have been slightly uncomfortable saying anything about my family.
Yet I have come to realize my brother has absolutely NO compunction of doing the same thing. Even worth, he embellishes (and even lies) and then spins it to his own advantage.

It's time for me to move on, if a family member doesn't want to act like family, then I'm not going to bother anymore.

I need to save my time for those who are actually there for me. Not just when it looks good. And that is going to be my friend who has cancer.

I will try and not dwell too much on your friend, since you both seem like you don't want to lose any time on it, but I will send good thoughts his way.

*nods*
He would support that.

I hope your brother pulls himself together and realizes he's not the center of the universe, especially now.

*shakes his head*
He will not.
He has done so many horrible things, that if he stopped to face reality I doubt he has the fortitude to handle it.
All I can do is try to stay out of his path, while he implodes.
I've given him 22 years, hoping to get my brother back.
He's not coming back, and I need to stop being a doormat.

Sorry if I'm toeing the "I can insult my own relatives, but you can't." rule, but reading that just really bothered me.

Neg. No worries.
1) It's you who are speaking. And I trust you, so there is no problem.
2) Second...although I know where you are coming from, and I used to feel it myself, but my brother has crossed one line too many. I should have stood up to him years ago. But I kept wanting to give him second chances.

True family are the ones who are actually there for you, regardless of bloodline.
And just because one shares genetic heritage with another, doesn't give them the right to abuse.

I really appreciate all your insight on my problems, and that you acknowledge my accomplishments, when it seems like no one else does.

I am glad to hear that my information is of use.

About your accomplishments: I remember being your age....well, basically being around your age, since you are doing better at 16 then I did (planning, direction, commitment, and execution). Other then when I became an Eagle Scout, the majority of the time no one seemed to notice my other accomplishments.
With two other siblings, (and both of your parents work, correct?) there is so much to think about, and so little mental resources around. Besides, most parents have forgotten what it was like to be young. It takes effort to remember.
And even I must admit, since I had to re-start my life 2+ years ago....I'm starting to forget things. Not all at once, but certain events become fuzzy, or certain salient times lose their nostalgia...etc.
Even last year, while I can still easily remember my wife's face when we first met (she was 18), I actually could not recall her face at 29. I had to go get a picture. Needless to say, that was a very melancholy moment. But it happens. Life goes on. And memories fade.
I used to kick myself for that. But that doesn't help either. The key I believed I've found is this: to at least remember the important points which made those memories special.

And in this case:
Remembering what it was like to work your first 'real' job, to work for more then 20 hours a week, to collect your first $1,000(+), and to have a plan with what to do with the money.

It's a big deal.
Dakara - omedetou!!!

I know there's really not much of a difference, but it just feels so huge!

*nods* I can understand both points.
And it is huge.
...just, you will slip into it relatively quickly (a few months, maybe at most 1 semester)
But the social rules do completely change. Not only are the courses more intense, but who your teacher is makes one hell of a difference. You have to study not only the material for 1) Yourself, 2) For future higher order classes, but also for 3) The Teacher, and 4) For the test!
It's almost amazing that any learning is done at all (which some Educational Psychologists might agree)

Sidenote: It's also why people like President Bush only had a low 2.0 GRA in College, with Senator Kerry having only around a 2.7 (that's a C+ average) and why Senator McCain graduated 894th out of 899!! At his class. Yet these people still went on to lead the country in some fashion.

In the end, I like this phrase that I invented (I have yet to find it elsewhere, at least...but I did come up with it on my own)

"It's less then you think, yet more then you know"

People in college have hit a few major life points that I won't for another two years, graduation, moving away from home (in most cases), and being adults.

If they are freshmen, then they are almost in the same boat as you.
But yeah, by the time you are a Sophomore or Junior, you do learn a few things more. Mostly, anyway. I've still met plenty of upperclassman Bakas.

Your insight is well-founded. And at this point I would try to tie in something similar that you've experienced to the experience you are about to have...but...er....since this format is limited, I don't know enough about you to tie something in with. Sorry.
Could your own parents give stories about their first times at college, and how they coped until they got used to it?

The only 'good' news is that if you remember what you are feeling now, once you become a Junior in college, you'll start to go through the same thing for the 'real world' and work - or graduate school. Just reminding yourself what you went through now, might make the next stage (graduate school or a career) easier. Because the same doubts usually come back!! (as they are both different experiences)

I really agree that my passion for the subject and prior knowledge will make all the difference.

Cool.

It's kind of intimidating though.

I can fully understand that. It is a big step.

I just cannot think of any immediate tactics I can give you that will help make the situation more tolerable for you to deal with it.
Remember when I said you were doing better then I did?
Well, here is case in point: I didn't handle those experiences well. I survived, but it was heck. Eventually experience took over, but it was tough.
_NOT_ a great battle plan!

So I know you'll be fine.
But 'fine's' isn't a great goal. Rather move it up to you'll be 'good'.
Would love 'you'll be excellent!', but I know that's probably pushing it.

Personally, I've always gotten along really well with parent-age adults, with younger people, and will people my own age. But there's just a small window of people that college students fit in that I'm kind of shy meeting.

Yeah....*thinks*

Again, I know you'll eventually get the hang of it.
But to get the 'hang' of it quicker.....let's see....

• Don't go around telling people your age, unless you think you can trust them.
• Try to find another High Schooler who is doing what you are doing.
• Get to know the teacher (meaning what THEY want you to learn in the course, what their office hours are, chances for extra credit, etc. Usually this is in their syllabus, but not always)
• ....hmmm....I just don't know how you study. Probably some extrapolation of your best study habits would be the foundation to start on, and modify as you go along.

Otherwise, maybe the Japanese have a bit of an answer on their own:
Honne and tatemae - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
BBC - h2g2 - 'Tatemae' and 'Honne' in Japanese Society

To not repeat what is said on those pages, if the Japanese realize the importance (at proper times) to separate between how you feel, and what you show.
So when you go in, put on your 'game face'!

Of course, you probably already know the risk: you might actually start believing more in the mask, then in yourself. You've probably already met people like that. But it's only until 'experience' kicks in.

[Yuuji]

Ok, it went long again....so here's the second part:

Well, the good thing is, though the class doesn't start until the end of September, I have orientation on August 3rd, where I will hopefully get more information and possibly meet the teacher and get some materials. After that, I'll probably look more into things I can do towards it in the meantime,

Cool!
Take that orientation seriously!!
...well, that is if THEY take it seriously.
It's uncommon, but not rare, where the teacher or college just....well, let's just say they are unprofessional.
Not everyone can become Mr. Chips (an epitome of a good instructor).
If you start thinking some of these people are crazy...it might just well be!

and you can bet I'll be asking you for help!

*smiles*
Sounds good.
And I can at least be a sounding board if you need to test the 'crazy factor' of your instructor and/or course.

I pretty much am the same about the site, but I don't have anything like this over there, and honestly I'm only on there for administrative reasons most of the time, so I'd prefer to stick to here =)

Understood.

But I'll try to be more timely!

I was just wondering if your life had become so busy, that I would just have to get used to the wait.
Or, if I should just move these to email. Though I think I'd miss the nostalgia.

================================================== ===

Originally Posted by Kate

I love talking to you, and I really do consider you a friend, even if we haven't met. Maybe someday in the future.

*laughs*

Well, how does sometime between January 30th-February 1st, 2009 sound?

I meant to tell you at the last post, but it was a bit too serious (and too long) to include the fact that my friends and I are going to try to go to OhayoCon this year.
Ohayocon Nine || January 30 - February 1, 2009

Nothing is absolute yet, though I will be reserving a room this week.
So I give about a 70% chance.

Also I normally love surprising people who don't expect me to show up (I used to do that a LOT during the conventions between 1989-1995). I was hoping to have done this at last year's Ohayocon, but I couldn't make. And this year I'm probably not going to know the people you'll go with. So I might as well give up the ghost.

But what I'd used to do 'in the old days':
I'd know a friend of the person I was going to meet. So the friend would be in on it. (this was back during the days when you couldn't post a picture on the web, and it was mostly all text-based. So you wouldn't know what these friends even look like)
So my accomplice would hand a letter, or a small gift with note attached to the person whom wanted to meet with me, and they'd start reading.

The letter would be simple enough, the 'Hello', 'How are you', a few things I know that was going on with their life...etc...
But I'd fold and tape the last inch of the paper up at the bottom, and when the person unfastens it, it would read:

By the way, I'm right behind you.

Which, of course, I would be as I would sneak up behind them while they are reading. Always with a smile on my face.

I'd love doing that!! The reactions were priceless, and they'd get a kick out of it too.

The only thing I will bring, was my old symbol: A dull orange mountaineering flag (A 1.5x1.5 flag on a 3' pole with a handle for a single hand).

Like I said, normally you would never know what the person would look like back then. So we use symbols. One guy wore a shirt with a cow on it, myself - the flag. Otherwise you'd go to meet the person, but you'd want it to be public...but who is who?!?!??

This is similar, so I'll bring the flag.
That is, if you get to go again this year.

[katelynisspecial]

Eep, got carried away the past few days.
I'm leaving at 5am tomorrow for a cruise to Mexico, don't know if I mentioned it?
But I'll be back around the 15th =)