[Yuuji]

Originally Posted by katelynisspecial

I really hate it when adults act like children. It's kind of unsettling, because they're the ones that you're supposed to be able to rely on to not like that, and be the voice of reason in tough times. But I know that there are many adults in the world who aren't like that, and are petty and manipulative.

*nods*
It's unfortunate.
Even worse, they go ahead and indirectly train the next generation into being just as apathetic and callous as themselves. Especially when the 'adult' is in a position of authority or power.

Not that I'm saying that specifically about your brother, but you already said he was acting like a child, so I felt I could share that.

Please go ahead.
Two years ago, I would have been slightly uncomfortable saying anything about my family.
Yet I have come to realize my brother has absolutely NO compunction of doing the same thing. Even worth, he embellishes (and even lies) and then spins it to his own advantage.

It's time for me to move on, if a family member doesn't want to act like family, then I'm not going to bother anymore.

I need to save my time for those who are actually there for me. Not just when it looks good. And that is going to be my friend who has cancer.

I will try and not dwell too much on your friend, since you both seem like you don't want to lose any time on it, but I will send good thoughts his way.

*nods*
He would support that.

I hope your brother pulls himself together and realizes he's not the center of the universe, especially now.

*shakes his head*
He will not.
He has done so many horrible things, that if he stopped to face reality I doubt he has the fortitude to handle it.
All I can do is try to stay out of his path, while he implodes.
I've given him 22 years, hoping to get my brother back.
He's not coming back, and I need to stop being a doormat.

Sorry if I'm toeing the "I can insult my own relatives, but you can't." rule, but reading that just really bothered me.

Neg. No worries.
1) It's you who are speaking. And I trust you, so there is no problem.
2) Second...although I know where you are coming from, and I used to feel it myself, but my brother has crossed one line too many. I should have stood up to him years ago. But I kept wanting to give him second chances.

True family are the ones who are actually there for you, regardless of bloodline.
And just because one shares genetic heritage with another, doesn't give them the right to abuse.

I really appreciate all your insight on my problems, and that you acknowledge my accomplishments, when it seems like no one else does.

I am glad to hear that my information is of use.

About your accomplishments: I remember being your age....well, basically being around your age, since you are doing better at 16 then I did (planning, direction, commitment, and execution). Other then when I became an Eagle Scout, the majority of the time no one seemed to notice my other accomplishments.
With two other siblings, (and both of your parents work, correct?) there is so much to think about, and so little mental resources around. Besides, most parents have forgotten what it was like to be young. It takes effort to remember.
And even I must admit, since I had to re-start my life 2+ years ago....I'm starting to forget things. Not all at once, but certain events become fuzzy, or certain salient times lose their nostalgia...etc.
Even last year, while I can still easily remember my wife's face when we first met (she was 18), I actually could not recall her face at 29. I had to go get a picture. Needless to say, that was a very melancholy moment. But it happens. Life goes on. And memories fade.
I used to kick myself for that. But that doesn't help either. The key I believed I've found is this: to at least remember the important points which made those memories special.

And in this case:
Remembering what it was like to work your first 'real' job, to work for more then 20 hours a week, to collect your first $1,000(+), and to have a plan with what to do with the money.

It's a big deal.
Dakara - omedetou!!!

I know there's really not much of a difference, but it just feels so huge!

*nods* I can understand both points.
And it is huge.
...just, you will slip into it relatively quickly (a few months, maybe at most 1 semester)
But the social rules do completely change. Not only are the courses more intense, but who your teacher is makes one hell of a difference. You have to study not only the material for 1) Yourself, 2) For future higher order classes, but also for 3) The Teacher, and 4) For the test!
It's almost amazing that any learning is done at all (which some Educational Psychologists might agree)

Sidenote: It's also why people like President Bush only had a low 2.0 GRA in College, with Senator Kerry having only around a 2.7 (that's a C+ average) and why Senator McCain graduated 894th out of 899!! At his class. Yet these people still went on to lead the country in some fashion.

In the end, I like this phrase that I invented (I have yet to find it elsewhere, at least...but I did come up with it on my own)

"It's less then you think, yet more then you know"

People in college have hit a few major life points that I won't for another two years, graduation, moving away from home (in most cases), and being adults.

If they are freshmen, then they are almost in the same boat as you.
But yeah, by the time you are a Sophomore or Junior, you do learn a few things more. Mostly, anyway. I've still met plenty of upperclassman Bakas.

Your insight is well-founded. And at this point I would try to tie in something similar that you've experienced to the experience you are about to have...but...er....since this format is limited, I don't know enough about you to tie something in with. Sorry.
Could your own parents give stories about their first times at college, and how they coped until they got used to it?

The only 'good' news is that if you remember what you are feeling now, once you become a Junior in college, you'll start to go through the same thing for the 'real world' and work - or graduate school. Just reminding yourself what you went through now, might make the next stage (graduate school or a career) easier. Because the same doubts usually come back!! (as they are both different experiences)

I really agree that my passion for the subject and prior knowledge will make all the difference.

Cool.

It's kind of intimidating though.

I can fully understand that. It is a big step.

I just cannot think of any immediate tactics I can give you that will help make the situation more tolerable for you to deal with it.
Remember when I said you were doing better then I did?
Well, here is case in point: I didn't handle those experiences well. I survived, but it was heck. Eventually experience took over, but it was tough.
_NOT_ a great battle plan!

So I know you'll be fine.
But 'fine's' isn't a great goal. Rather move it up to you'll be 'good'.
Would love 'you'll be excellent!', but I know that's probably pushing it.

Personally, I've always gotten along really well with parent-age adults, with younger people, and will people my own age. But there's just a small window of people that college students fit in that I'm kind of shy meeting.

Yeah....*thinks*

Again, I know you'll eventually get the hang of it.
But to get the 'hang' of it quicker.....let's see....

• Don't go around telling people your age, unless you think you can trust them.
• Try to find another High Schooler who is doing what you are doing.
• Get to know the teacher (meaning what THEY want you to learn in the course, what their office hours are, chances for extra credit, etc. Usually this is in their syllabus, but not always)
• ....hmmm....I just don't know how you study. Probably some extrapolation of your best study habits would be the foundation to start on, and modify as you go along.

Otherwise, maybe the Japanese have a bit of an answer on their own:
Honne and tatemae - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
BBC - h2g2 - 'Tatemae' and 'Honne' in Japanese Society

To not repeat what is said on those pages, if the Japanese realize the importance (at proper times) to separate between how you feel, and what you show.
So when you go in, put on your 'game face'!

Of course, you probably already know the risk: you might actually start believing more in the mask, then in yourself. You've probably already met people like that. But it's only until 'experience' kicks in.